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January 7th, 2012

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10:16 am - Strong, determined, controlling women who get things done.

See, to be a strong, determined, controlling woman you really need those around you to be compliant, weak(er) and needy. You cannot control everything if they're capable of doing so.

Getting them to stop relying upon you to do everything for them is probably the hardest part of becoming less codependent, because they're accustomed to you leaping to fix their problems for them.

I married a man raised by a woman far too much like myself (and Mom and I get on famously- likely because we're two peas in a pod in this matter. She's only recently started realizing her own controlling issues.) Ken was the same way. And of course my kids were raised by me- a strong, determined, controlling woman who is most definitely codependent.

I've got my work cut out for me to help myself, but also to help them towards not being reliant upon me. Much of that is simply me not jumping anymore, but since I'm a huge part of why they're dependent, I think I owe them some guidance in how not to depend upon me or anyone else to fix stuff for them. Just how to do that without it being a part of the longstanding issue is the question...

(2 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:January 7th, 2012 07:36 pm (UTC)
I'm a codependent also, raised to take care of my mentally ill mother.

One of the best descriptions I've seen of codependency is doing for others what they should be doing for themselves.

I try to keep that in mind as much as possible. Other people can't grow if I am doing everything for them, including emotional care-taking.
[User Picture]
Date:July 10th, 2012 10:05 am (UTC)



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